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05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 Sunday, February 29, 2004
i've been bamboozled!
survivor. ethan's tribe is FULL of schemers. very interesting. ethan and lex. reunited. cool dudes.
sunday. timecheck: 12:24 pm. status: 4th page of electric fields.
i've decided that it takes 2 hands to clap, and i'm not gonna be the only one grueling for something the other is obviously not interested in. wake up to reality, other pple have their own lives and problems..and i'm gonna try and understand that.
the human heart is capable of the strangest things.
btw, chem test on thursday was officially the worst test i have ever taken in rjc. firstly, it was organic chem, which would have been fun if i'd had my notes with me, BUT unfortunately, i DIDNT and, yu just cant crap your way thru organic chem! its either yu know how to do it, or yu dont. yeah, so yu can guess which category i fell into. worst paper ever. so many blanks i thought about just sitting there and crying/sleeping since at least then i'd have a better excuse as to why i'm gonna do so badly.
carbonyl compounds sounds reasonable since i paid full attention to dr chan today. understood most of what he said, and the stuff i dont know are just like..technical stuff. i've got the reasoning i think.
dramafeste was amazing! jen yu rock, TOTALLY. it was fantastic. twice in a row. yu're a genious yu know? a genious. :) and arts was good too, jireh's damn good. and in fact, cps and engine were quite okay also. dramafeste rocked.
i also realised that i no longer feel angry or frustrated with pple who give up ever so easily and look for the easy path out, and the downright filthy choices in life. i just feel sorry for them. i just wish they'll wake up and sort their crap out, cos i dont need much more in my life. and ignoring it wont make it go away.
today i felt this intense sense of apathy when i was going home. and then everything came crashing down on me. reality resurfaced along my train journey home. zonked out in front of the tv after fear factor, slept thru AI, tho i tried to keep awake, and woke up guilty to the core, and dragged my sorry ass into the bathroom. and then. here i am. came online to check the log list for odac on sat, and, one hour later, i'm still here.
let comradeship and fervent hope with one voice make us pray
timecheck:11:34 pm, sunday.
this week was incredibly draggy. jeez. and there were times where minutes felt like eternity, and i wished i could just teleport myself away so that i could be at ease again. i'm sorry for one thing this week, all the rest i've already forgiven myself.
today was fantastic.. had odac btc training in the morn, followed my group around, facilitated albeit not too well, had store check, got back an msr from someone i loaned it to in nov, then..cluster ex! fantastic. teaching first aid to the cluster ex sec sch pple isnt too bad, cos the kids rock, and they're quite good, tho some are a bit sian. but even then, it's gonna be great. it was fast paced and such..a nice change. then we had incredibly long debriefing..and we got to play floorball. that was like...wad, seven plus already. played till 8.30, then went for dinner at macs. only zy mel and jamin were left. and we played jenga and ate. jamin's "watch this, -pongpongpong-" was hilarious, i practically drooled when i was laughin.. :) damn fun day. i loved today.
getting home at 10:20 isnt that bad. in fact, i'm in a much happier mood today than i've been in a long time. i guess, odac's picking up now, the fun's setting in and it gets that much better when yu really love the people yu work with and end up having so much fun in odac. i've said this before, but seriously, our batch rocks. and, i promise to make the next few months in odac rock for the j1s as well.
SURVIVOR ALL STAR! TONIGHT! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
and you try and you try, and after a while you wonder, why's it always you.
to add on, today somehow, i lost my watch. i have no idea how it disappeared, but i'm praying so very hard that i'll find it, cos if not i'm so scoofed. i refuse to believe that some ultimate moron (this is not the mo-ron kinda moron i'm refering to) would have stolen it cos, seriously, how desperate do yu have to be? it's like, a grubby nike watch who's strap is partially broken and replaced with a rubber band. nevertheless, it's my watch, i've worn it for only one year and like, say 2 months, and it looks perfect in my eyes. my parents will just like kill me. i'm so scoofed. i could just sit here and cry now. and the worst part is, they probably WONT scold me, and i'll just have to hate myself even more for the next few weeks/months. please let me find it tmr. jeez. it's MY WATCH, it belongs with ME. i hate my life. i will just love the person who finds my watch AND returns it back to me. hopefully, i find it. hopefully.
on the bright side..my mom agreed to watch an 8:50 pm show, the last samurai, the moment i asked her at 8:10 pm. (yes obviously she does not know about my watch.) and so i called my aunty and we all rushed there to watch it. very nice show. agreed. tho in the middle i let my mind wander for a bit, and i thought about my darling watch, my lack of academic success in jc, and friendships. reviewed my life as tom cruise charged around and slaughtered men, and almost got killed himself.
so now i'm home, i'm going to watch survivor, which i taped. may life be better tmr. to the pple who know i love them, i love you. yes.
gotta do the same for the past 3 chapters also. sheesh. shouldnt have slacked so much. chem is actually damn interesting when yu pay attention cos you learn all sorts of funky things.
chem prac was fine. scoofed up at the end tho, my fault.
odac was good, stair climbing, followed by tent pitching. wish bakhim did better, but i think they're inspired to do a lot better after tonight, and honestly, i'm very proud of them. they're very determined bunch of pple and i respect them for that. come on bakhim! we can do it! dont be discouraged by tonight's attempts.
and. yeah..
give me a chance to explain myself. you know me better than that, dont you?
to all in school, my beloved friends and teachers, i wish ya'll the strength to carry on, and i'll be praying for ya'll.
JEN yu rock. :) (and my guts too right?..heh,heh,heh)
this is me this is me. pull me out, give me air, i cant take it anymore, its suffocating and its hurting, and i dont care much more. yet i will go on, this mini-journey till i find that foothold that'll let me step out into something much greater, the dream awaiting me, the destiny. that i pray exists.
activities of the day: awakened in the late morning, at 11 plus, by lydia. fell asleep again. woke up, ate lunch, watched tv, fell asleep. woke up at 5:15pm, during JAG. did integration, 3 qns, specifically, went for dinner w family, sent bro to camp, arrived home, switched on the comp. here i am.
typical useless sunday. but it rocked. 1. got sleep. sufficient to survive one week of school w/o falling asleep in ALL lectures/tutorials. 2. had great dinner with great family. 3. saw my bro's camp and all them cute army guys going in with cute almost-no-hair haircuts. k. mebbe not so cute. it was dark.
anyway, so now. i have to: 1. do chem s. 2. read R-X notes. 3. do R-X tutorial. 4. get enough sleep for tmr.
time check: 11:38pm.
gotta go. g'night.
happy birthday cheechong :) keep rocking. yu're a great friend man, yu deserve good things. so all the best this year.
now i'm dead tired. tmr's got more stuff planned, gotta fit in chem S and physics S and homework. if not i'm scoofed. ROCKS (: life rocks when its at its nicest moments doesnt it?
my thighs are gone. no, the adipose are still there. but seriously, this aches much more than ms poon's killer squats. i was just standing today, and it hurt. muscles baby, please stop hurting.
it's suddenly dawned upon me why i'm so happy. this is really lame. but finally, i actually have a valid reason to be tired in school and to fall asleep and to be stoned and to not do tutorials and to be struggling in my studies. and when yu're at this ultimate low state of patheticness in your academic life, what could possibly go wrong?..and doing physics s qns makes me feel so happy, esp when i get an answer, partly cos noone can tell me i'm wrong yet cos the answers arent out. so yu just do, feel smart, and be happy. and, yu're like happy with yourself cos yu've only got like 2 effective hours of waking time once yu get home, and yu actually make it worthwhile. except of cos, i watched american idol tonight, but i have no regrets bout that.
now my only fear is that teachers' give up all hope on me, so before that happens, i'm gonna have to pull myself out of this cycle and start on my path. can i have the weekend?.. nah. k. i'll start...perhaps now.
btw. i wonder who reads this. can the person who thinks i'd be most surprised to know reads this pls tag.. what a confusing statement. only for smart pple. cmon, make my day.
oh btw i went to expo, see the body worlds exhibition w my class today. i thought it was pretty interesting, tho after a while, looking at all the organs, it felt a bit..surreal. plastination. i dont quite think its inhumane. well, i'm glad i got the opportunity to go. but as we were walking out, i saw the queue. goodness. so many pple. plus the tickets werent exactly cheap. imagine the amount of money these pple earn. jeez.
anyway, it's monday. and woohoo, i've not done enough work to feeel accomplished. i have to go do some now. btw, happy hari raya haji to all, (yeah i know it was yesterday, but stilll).
btw, song of the moment is homelands, by nitin sawhney. real nice. its the one the indian dance dancers danced to for cny. remember? yeahhh. somehow it reminds me of the black hawk down beginning song.